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Friday, March 21, 2014

I'm not saying that modern ophthalmic surgery isn't a wonderful thing, but having spent Wednesday at the Eye Hospital, Lisa's Mum now looks a bit like Sylvester Stallone at the end of 'Rocky'. I think she must have had a punch-up with the consultant. Wednesday night was spent mopping up her blood with kitchen roll, so that we could have a proper butcher's at her bruises. She looks like she's been slapped in the face with a fish. Specifically a Great White Shark.

As a result, she's feeling about as drained as her tear ducts, and stayed on with us for a second night to recuperate. The good news, however, is that our sleeping arrangements have provided fuel for the primary school rumour mill, as we discovered yesterday evening that Amelie was under the impression that her Nanny was sharing a bed with me. We're not sure who she's told about this, but for some reason she assumed that Lisa's Mum had spent the night cuddling up to her son-in-law instead of sharing a bed with her daughter. I think she's been watching too much Jeremy Kyle.

From initial reports, however, Amelie's school assembly went very well yesterday. She remembered all her lines, stage-fright was non-existent, and - in the best news of all - our fairy tale shoe box was featured on some kind of video screen. I'm not sure if it was a Jumbotron or a laptop, and Lisa very nearly missed it (so frankly it could have been the Jumbotron), but a potential audience of hundreds has now had the chance to witness my skills with a toilet roll. It's a proud moment for the whole family.

At the time though, I was blissfully unaware of my fame, and busy strolling down Baker Street, humming a bit of Bob Holness...

Obviously that chap's more bobby than Bob, but with acting skills like those, I bet he's featured in a few blockbusters.