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Saturday, December 14, 2013

I took Amelie to her swimming lesson after work yesterday, and as we were trudging home, me with a heavy cold and her with wet hair that I couldn't be bothered to dry, she turned to me and said:

"Daddy, do you know the One Direction song which goes 'You don't know you're beautiful'?"

I lied and said no, so she sang it to me. She's only five. I find that slightly worrying. But more worrying still is that I asked her where she'd heard it, and she said "School". Catholicism ain't what it used to be.

But in other, equally surprising news, the council delivered this letter to us yesterday...

I don't know what's more shocking: the fact that Lisa's clearly got herself a mobility scooter without telling me, or the fact that she still insists I do the shopping, despite having transport of her own. I presume she sticks Amelie in the wheelchair, Toby in the basket, and then heads down the hill to the bingo. To be honest, I shouldn't be that surprised. She's just bought herself a wolf fleece, so a mobility scooter was the obvious next step.

Anyhoo, it might be a case of mistaken identity, but it's reassuring to know that the council would be willing to fit a ramp up to the second floor. I might ask them for a helter skelter, so that I can leave for work a bit more promptly.

As it happens, Lisa doesn't need a mobility scooter to fit in on this estate. Not only has she got a cheap fleece, but she's now sporting a black eye. She couldn't be more council if she tried. Toby was on her lap yesterday, when Amelie decided to tickle him, with the result that he threw his head back into Lisa's face, leaving her with a major bruise around the eye. She looks like she should be in a refuge for battered wives.

So I'm taking her out today to cheer her up. On the condition that she doesn't wear that fleece. She asked me yesterday if I'd whisk her away for a few hours of fun and relaxation. Well, her exact words were "Get me out of this hell hole", but I think that's what she meant. So we're driving over to my parents' house to lay some flowers on Chloe's grave, and wish my Mum a happy birthday for Tuesday. I think one bunch between the two should suffice.


Lisa said...

I do not have a wolf fleece - it is a snuggle top and no animals are involved. Thank you.

Phil's Mum said...

I don't know how the Council can claim those things are left outside YOUR flat, but perhaps your neighbour (who I have had a chat to and can't understand a word he says) is managing to convince them they are nothing to do with him.

Jon the Bassist said...

Wolf Fleece; Surely thats a sheep in wolfs clothing?

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