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Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Toby was seven weeks old yesterday, so he had his six-week check-up from the health visitor. I think she's running a bit behind. Mind you, the woman's currently pregnant with her fourth child, and told Lisa that she'd just visited a mother with newborn twins, a 14-month-old and a three-year-old, so it's not surprising she was late. She must have felt like the first responder at a natural disaster.

Anyhoo, despite eating like an American, and having a big sister the size of a giant, it seems that Toby's a bit small for his age. He's on the 9th percentile for weight, which apparently isn't a problem, but makes him significantly smaller than Amelie was at this age. The health visitor did ask Lisa if Am's father was particularly tall, so she said no, he's five foot seven. Which is an outrage. I'm at least five foot eight and a quarter. I only look short because I have the plodding, world-weary stoop of a man with a lot on his shoulders.

As for Toby, he might never be able to see over people's heads in a riot, but he can hear the police coming a mile off. The health visitor gave him an aural examination, and he passed with flying colours. He also has the reflexes of a cat burglar and the ability to smile like a conman. Lisa tells me about twenty times a day that he's grinning from ear to ear, but by the time I arrive with my camera, that smile has generally faded to a look of vacant self-satisfaction...

Lisa says he gets that from me.

I may not have the power to make him smile, but fortunately I do know how to make him a success. According to this article on, an unusually high proportion of top American politicians have fathers who were absent, alcoholic, neglectful or dead, whilst here in the UK, the rate of bereavement amongst British Prime Ministers is exceptionally high. It seems the way to ensure that your son becomes a successful world leader is to abuse him, abandon him, and then die when he's young. My Dad has a lot to answer for. It's no wonder I've amounted to nothing.


Phil's Mum said...

Your father is trying to work out whether that's a compliment or not!

A Passer-By said...

When are you going to get your son featured on a NHS poster?   That will be the first rung on the ladder to success (especially if you get paid for it!)

Zed said...

He's waiting until he gets teeth so he'll look exactly like you when he smiles for the camera.  
Being a world leader is overrated.  He'll be better off happy with a loving father.  Like you (that deliberate ambiguity means both, of course)

Phil said...

I see what you did there.