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Sunday, March 20, 2011

The best thing about standing in the kitchen at Leia's Princess Party yesterday afternoon was that it gave me a great view of Lorraine's ass...

Although it looked more like a mule to me. Either way, she managed to turn a game of 'Pin the Tail on the Donkey' into an al-Qaeda hostage video. The footage is a bit shaky, and the perpetrators hard to identify, but you can clearly see the victim being aggressively smothered with a tea towel, subjected to disorientation techniques, and then brutally shoved against a wall, before being forced to complete some kind of initiation ritual and abandoned in a dazed and confused state. It's like a how-to video for post traumatic stress disorder.

With party games like that, it's no wonder Amelie turned to comfort-eating...

Mmm... cake.
That's her trying to prove that she can have her cake and eat it, by tackling two slices at once.

Anyhoo, I'll be honest, Princess Parties are not really my kind of thing. I find the outfits restrictive, and I don't look good in heels. But as Lisa kept telling me every time I looked longingly at the front door, we were there for Amelie, and the important thing is that she enjoyed it.

And she did. She might not have won the best outfit competition, but she looked more like a princess than the boy who came dressed as Spiderman. There were sixteen children in total, and some very nice gowns on display, from Snow White to the Fairy Queen, but I was a bit disappointed that Princess Leia's brother didn't come dressed as Darth Vader. I did see the Lone Ranger though, and a very convincing Bob the Builder. To be honest, when they did a photo line-up, it looked like a scene from Big Fat Gypsy Weddings. It was all puffball dresses and cowboys.

After two hours of fun, and a certain amount of cat-chasing, we eventually called Amelie in from the big garden, led her past the £1,500 curtains in her home-made dress, and picked up her party bag from the marble kitchen worktop, before waving goodbye to our hosts and leaving their five-bedroom detached house via the four-car driveway, to begin the short journey back across the railway tracks to our council flat on death row.

At least, that was the plan. In reality we went straight on a guilt trip to Toys R Us, where we bought Amelie the scooter she's been wanting for months. We might not be able to give her the million pound lifestyle she deserves, but we can put a bit of plastic on the plastic.


Lisa said...

When Lorraine said "does anybody else want a go?" To be fair, the queue wasn't great.

Dave said...

She has her father's appetite.

Phil's Mum said...

I used to think it was a cruel game when I was about 10!

And it looks as if Amelie was evicted with her cake - but I'm sure she still enjoyed it, sitting out in the road.

Lisa said...

We're giving her lessons in how to be really unsociable. They're paying right off.