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Tuesday, February 01, 2011

A few weeks ago, I mentioned my worldwide fame as Robin Cousins' boyfriend. Well the good news is that my international status as a gay love interest is continuing to grow. This graph shows the number of people visiting this blog over the past couple of weeks...

First, Second & Third Cousins
You'll notice a spike on each of the last three Sundays. That's when 'Dancing on Ice' comes on TV. No, seriously. At about six-thirty every Sunday, people start flocking here in search of kissing Cousins, Robin's birds and other indications of the man's sexuality. I estimate that more than a thousand people have confirmed me as a gay icon since the beginning of January. I'd also like to lay claim to reducing the nation's caffeine intake, as TV viewers are clearly spending their commercial breaks here instead of putting the kettle on.

As it turns out though, bi-curious ice skating fans weren't the only unexpected visitors we had on Sunday evening. The police came round too. There was a knock on the door at 8pm, and I answered it to find two detectives on the doorstep. Lisa was making biscuits at the time, so I assumed they'd come to investigate the smell of burning, but in fact they were here to take a statement about the New Year's Eve function upstairs.

Obviously I like to make a statement with everything from my clothes to my bank account, but I've never given one to the police before. I soon got the hang of it though. Frankly I sang like a canary, and within five minutes they'd realised it was going to take longer than expected. At which point they gave up and asked me and Lisa to go to the police station instead. So at 7pm last night, that's where we were: down the cop shop, helping the police with their enquiries.

We were interviewed separately, so at the time I assumed they said the same things to both of us. But apparently not. They did ask us both if we consider ourselves "vulnerable witnesses", so I told them I was worried about having dog poo shoved through my letterbox, and enquired about getting a new identity. They said it wasn't necessary in this case, so apparently I'm stuck with who I am. Which is probably just as well, as I've bought the website address.

In other ways, however, the information differed. Particularly in one key area. They told Lisa that she's highly unlikely to be called as a witness. And asked me what dates I can attend court. So it's not looking good. I could be on the stand come the summer. I feel like Naomi Campbell, but without the diamonds.


Phil's Mum said...

Considering it was a party, to which you weren't invited, you'd think there would be a lot more people with more information to give than you.  You must have an honest face, so you're the only one the police believe.

BS6 said...

Did they ask about your gay love reputation?

Dave said...

I'm pleased to see that the police have at least heard of your address.  Unlike mine.

Phil said...

No, but I could tell they were thinking about it.

Phil said...

It's funny you should say that - when I checked my statement, I found they'd got my address wrong.